If you invite people out to your birthday dinner, you're supposed to pay for everyone right?

Question

My understanding of this is that if you invite people out for your birthday dinner that you're supposed to pay for all your guests. However after my last birthday dinner at which I paid for all my guests, some people were like 'you're not supposed to pay for your own birthday dinner' and 'if anything, the guests should be paying for you!' I have no idea whether this is like some sort of cultural thing, but if you ask people to go to dinner with you then it's rude to make them pay their own way.. especially if where we're going is kinda fancy.

Am I super old-fashioned or something? What's the norm?

Answer 1

I believe if one is hosting and invites guests to a restaurant for a celebration, then, it's up to the host/invitor to pay. The guests can offer to pay for their meals and I guess that would be up to the host and guests. Or, the guests can leave the tips and pay for their own alcoholic drinks (a fair compromise).

Answer 2

As far as I am concerned, you are correct. That's how we do thinks in my family and community.

Answer 3

Make it clear when you extend the invitation. Something like "it's my treat" would be appropriate in this situation.

Answer 4

Yes, you are right. If you *invite* people to anything, ever, you are undertaking to pay for them. That is what 'inviting' means.



If you can't afford to do that, it is perfectly legit to suggest to people that they might all get togetherness your birthday, but you must not call that 'inviting', and it would be only considerate to make extra-clear that you are not offering to foot the whole bill. (We get a slew of posts here about people who were 'invited' to restaurants that they couldn't afford and didn't specially want to go to anyway, who only found out to their distress at the end of the dinner that they were expected to pay.)



If people do go to celebrate a friend's birthday at a restaurant, on the understanding that everyone is paying their way, then yes, it's quite normal for them to split the cost of the birthday person's meal between them. But it is horrible for someone to be suckered into thinking they had been 'invited', and find themselves required to pay not only for an expensive meal they didn't necessarily want but part of someone else's meal as well.

Answer 5

You are supposed to pay for everyone, absolutely. However if you won't / cannot afford it, so you have to precise it FIRST.

Answer 6

i think theyre right, you shouldnt have to pay a penny if its your birthday, they should be paying it, not you

Answer 7

You are correct. If you invite people out you are expected to pay. It would be different if your friends got together and invited to take you out to dinner for your birthday. Then they would be expected to pay for your dinner. They must have gotten embarrassed that they didn't offer to pay but that was on them not you.

Answer 8

different conditions for different folks and societies. our family handles this in advance, usually with the more financially capable men trying to grab the bill.

Answer 9

I think it is totally acceptable to have everyone pay for their own meal at your birthday dinner. I have done it both ways...I paid for the guests at my wife's birthday dinner last year, and for my birthday, my parents paid for me and my guests. Other times I've met people at a local restaurant and we just split the bill equally between everyone.



Secretly, I think its nice for your guests to pay for your birthday dinner, but as you get older, I think that its common to pay for your own birthday dinner as well as guests.



I know that when I go to birthday dinners, I expect to cover myself. In no way would I ever expect the birthday person or other people to pay for me. Often times a parent does offer to pay for all the guests.



So I don't think there are any hard rules on this. I do think if you attend a birthday dinner, you should expect to cover yourself at least. If it is your birthday, I think there is no shame in splitting the bill unless you are well off and want to pay for everyone.

Answer 10

You invited them you pay.

Answer 11

You are 100% right. It is very rude to arrange a party for yourself and then attempt to pass the costs off onto your guests. Guests are always free to send a gift along with the letter thanking you for the wonderful party if they feel that you deserve some sort of material show of gratitude.

Answer 12

if u invite people u pay for them, if people invite u as a treat for your birthday - they pay. your friends have no idea about any etiquette whatsoever as some of the answerers on here