What do I say now in the email?

Question

I posted a question on here a good few weeks ago about an ex-work colleague that I keep in touch via email and we send each other birthday/Christmas cards.
The problem is she is now retired where as I still work (she is older than me). I don't always have the time to answer her emails and when she does email, it's paragraphs full of her mum's illness and she puts in the subject box 'mum update' and she goes into detail how she broke her hip, etc. I can't take on people's problems like this and I even emailed her Help the Aged's website address/contact details for her mum.
I emailed her, "I am in a new job now (true) and won't have the free time during the day to answer emails". I got a reply from her, "Am I right in assuming that you no longer want emails or contact with me as you are too busy? Please confirm then I can stop wondering".
Really I want to wean off from her. What shall I email now?

Answer 1

She is really imposing on you so if you have to be direct I would say it's O.K. Steam roller people sometimes need a ton of bricks to fall on their head. She needs to find her own friends and support system.



She must be really dense. You already said in your email that you won't have time to answer non work emails so what does she want? You were honest and direct. You don't have to be subjected to this woman's long emails about things that have nothing to do with you.



You could reply again - in a few days - to let her know that you just don't have the time to keep up personal correspondence. Tell her you don't even have time to email your mother or boyfriend.



People like this will wear you out and impose on your good nature the rest of your life. The sooner you detach from her the better. She has likely used up all her friends with her problems so now she is focusing on you. Be firm. You have the right to keep in contact only with those people you choose to have in your life.

Answer 2

Sadly, some people ARE rather demanding in this way.

A relative EXPECTS prompt responses to her epistles and will complain if she feels she's not getting the attention she warrants.

I ceased communicating with her but she attended my birthday 'event' this year. I failed to send her a card but e-mailed an apology, good wishes etc on her birthday.

In respose, I received another lengthy epistle, mainly complaining about another relative's alleged slights, etc. Which I refused to replay to.



SOME people simply do not change - and some get worse (more demanding) with age.

Her question is rather blunt and in my view 'demanding'. If you'd really prefer to put an end to such communication I'd suggest reply along the lines of:



"It isn't a question of my WANTING to cease e-mailing or having further contact with you. I've explained I've started a new job and simply do not have time to maintain the our previous level of contact. If you find that unacceptable then it's probably better we DO cease contact altogether.

I think that would be a pity and would prefer you to simply accept that I'll write as and when circumstances allow.

Meantime, I hope you are keeping well."



There are plenty of people I'm very good friends with - but often disappoint me by seldom maintaining email contact - or only sending very brief notes. It's not everyone's forte or inclination to 'correspond' frequently or at length. But this ex-colleague seems one of those who are excessively tied up with themselves - and rather demanding of others. So you might take a tougher line - saying you are upset by her question and 'wondering' and rather than appear rude by failing to comply with her wishes you'd prefer to cease all e-mailing.

Answer 3

"Of course I don't wish to lose contact but may not be able to respond straight away;

I will be in touch when I have a spare moment.

Anyway, how's your mum getting on...?"



This lets you off giving immediate replies but don't be so mean. When you retire your life changes as you are no longer mixing with work colleagues and there is a desire to keep in touch.



It will happen to you oneday

Answer 4

Just reply saying yes, you want to stop contact. It might be painful for her but it is better than fading away from her life slowly. That can be very cruel.

Answer 5

I cannot hinder my working ability for this trivial pursuit of email booty anymore. I encourage you to lose my email, and with that I bid you a do.