Question:
What do you do if people don’t RSVP? Can you message them or is it rude?
anonymous
2020-03-05 16:59:04 UTC
I’m throwing a surprise 25th anniversary party for my parents. I sent out paper invites beginning of February so they should’ve gotten there at least 2.5-3 weeks ago. To RSVP there was a link (I got to pick the domain so it was easy) and all you had to do was put your name. The one set of RSVPs I got was from the eldest relative (great aunt, her husband and then her 40 year old son) so I know the link is accessible. The deadline was March 10th so will people just want to do it closer and that it’ll all be fine? Do I message them and ask before the deadline, after, not at all? Any advice is much appreciated!!
Seventeen answers:
anonymous
2020-05-24 20:50:08 UTC
Gov't is killing you with high frequency electricity.Theotokos VirginMary gave prayers to "Schema-nun Antonia" on how to save aborted babies from hell. If you pray these prayers diligently, aborted babies are released from hell. On each painted nail there are 40 demons. Smoking is censer to the devil.Using foul language calls upon Pagan deities (aka demons); Holy Spirit departs on 7 meters. People who use drugs see demons who cleverly disguise themselves as ghosts and aliens.America will be last country to switch to Euro (antichrist's world currency). Contraceptives = abortion;using contraceptives for 1 year = 5 aborted kids.Miscarriages happen because of high heels; cesarean because of tight pants (second generation cesarean will be infertile).Unbaptized aborted/miscarried/unborn babies burn in hell for until Final Judgement; if pregnant, keep the kid and deliver at home because kids are chipped using IVs and vaccines in hospitals. Dentists and doctors chip patients secretly. 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Priests who participate in ecumenism will have Pagans walking on their heads in hell. Arkhimandrite Antonin Kapustin left a prophecy that Church of All Russian Saints in Gorny Monastery, Ein Karem, Israel will be blessed by forerunner of antichrist; Patriarch Kirill of Russia and Mark of Berlin blessed this church in 2007. When priests pray for current gov't (instead of praying for future Tsar),Jesus gets up from His throne and turns His back to them. Forgive me.
LiverGirl98
2020-03-06 05:00:56 UTC
Given the deadline draws near, do a general send out with a friendly reminder.
?
2020-03-06 02:42:42 UTC
It's fair to message people who ignore your invitation because it's THEM who are being rude.
?
2020-03-05 22:47:48 UTC
If people don't RSVP...............then they are NOT going to be there.
anonymous
2020-03-05 21:06:38 UTC
You are going to have to just call around and get people to commit one way or the other. If they decline - just remind them that you are ordering food a head of time and that you needed the accurate count and thank them for letting you know they just can’t make it - but if they change their mind contact you first to see if you can put in a last minute order or if they can take the place of someone who said yes but now can’t, but if they just show up they can’t get in.

If they still show up - If there is food left over give it to them, but otherwise remind them how they were supposed to rsvp.
linkus86
2020-03-05 18:44:52 UTC
It is not rude to message or call them AFTER the deadline. When you do, each one will be seeking your forgiveness for their oversight (if they have any class).



By the way, enabling an easy manner to respond is truly a great thing to provide an invitee.
?
2020-03-05 18:02:05 UTC
Send a reminder email if you have their addresses. You should do it today or tomorrow.
Cara
2020-03-05 17:24:31 UTC
The rule used to be to reply to invitations within three days. No deadlines were given, or expected. Now the problem has arisen with people stating deadlines - those invited think it's all right to reply just before the deadline. If you need to know now, before the deadline, you can message them and ask. Why would you give them the 10th as a deadline if you need to know on the 5th?



Edited to say: It appears I am thought to have been "rude" - I can't see it myself, but of course it wasn't intended. To explain further, what I meant is that most people know they should reply pretty soon to a formal invitation. To give them a long deadline is slightly confusing, and they obviously think they don't NEED to reply so soon. So if you need to chase them before the deadline, just do it. I hope you have a very happy party.
The Oracle of Omigod
2020-03-05 17:18:36 UTC
It is rude to not RSVP to begin with, so I wouldn't feel bad about following up. Nowadays people think they are so important they can just come to an expensive dinner if they feel like or pass if there's something good on TV.
Christian Rimmer
2020-03-05 17:07:05 UTC
I'd ask. The rude ones are the people who didn't RSVP, not you.
?
2020-03-12 20:17:36 UTC
No, it's not rude at all if the RSVP-by date has passed. Perfectly reasonable to just follow up with a phone call (so you can have an immediate response), and ask if they received their invite, and if you can put them down for a yes or no.
bad girl
2020-03-06 23:26:14 UTC
Time to send a reminder and I would add a phrase suggesting if you don't have an RSVP by a certain date you assume they are not coming.
?
2020-03-06 00:11:32 UTC
i would message them after the deadline
?
2020-03-05 20:18:15 UTC
No offense, but many people reasonably see an RSVP as a pain in the behind. It's getting pretty ridiculous this last decade with dinner parties, children's parties, and various wedding parties before the actual wedding. In my opinion, a wedding should be the ONLY event where an RSVP is required. 



Why do I say this? I have a job and a slightlyver of a life after that job. I really don't want to be rude, but people who have even more responsibilities than that don't want to be bombarded left and right with RSVPs.



In the future, how about we just send out text messages and ask people if they want to come or not? Also demanding an answer before the RSVP deadline is seen as very rude and in bad taste, but people seem to do this anyways.
?
2020-03-05 19:26:44 UTC
It is perfectly acceptable to CALL people who have not RSVP'd after the RSVP deadline, not before.  Don't send an email or text message. Don't even leave a voicemail message. You want to call and reach a live human being and get the answer.  Sending a message will just delay getting answers and frustrate you when people don't respond again. 

A couple of things to consider and check:1. When is the party?  Many people won't RSVP more than two weeks ahead of an event unless they have to book a flight and a hotel.  If you mailed the invitations and expected a reply too early, this may be the reason you aren't getting a response. Also, lots of people tend to wait until the last minute to do anything. Maybe you'll see a lot more coming in on Sunday.2.  Do verify that the website is working correctly. It's possible something has happened and the link URL isn't working correctly or the site is no longer collecting data. 3. It's a little odd to send a paper invite to people and then give them a website for the RSVP.  You'd have been better off either sending an Evite via email and or having a paper RSVP card or phone number.  You know the technological ability of your family and your parents friends, but I know there are people who would be confused and or put off following the RSVP instructions. 
anonymous
2020-03-05 19:16:35 UTC
Too late now, but providing an RSVP deadline is unwise. It encourages dawdlers to be sure to dawdle until at least the deadline date. But since you have assured people that they have until 10 March to respond then must allow them until 10 March to respond.



It would have been better to start wrangling up those responses about 10 days after your mailing. The polite way to inquire is "An invitation sent to your address may have been lost in the mail. Did you receive .... ?" Once it's established that invitation was indeed received, you follow up with "When might I expect your response? Will you know by [tomorrow, Friday, whatever]?" However you have "painted yourself into a corner" with your deadline and ought not commence this round of nagging calls until that deadline has passed.  



I advise that you make voice calls to people, use multiple channels to request they make a voice call to you. Nothing like a real time conversation to convey your sense of urgency. It's easy to do "later" to a text or email, but not so easy to put off a real life host asking "Will you know by tomorrow?"



And no, when people seem to have forgotten their manners it's not rude to TACTFULLY remind them of what is expected, to do so frequently until they act on your prompts and do the correct thing -- respond to your kind invitation. 
g
2020-03-05 18:53:48 UTC
You call them once the deadline has passed. Some wait until the due date to respond, and it'll slip some minds entirely.


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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