My dad's wife sent me a condolence card regarding his death should I write back to her even though we don't know each other?

Question

I did not really know my dad as I only met him four times so I don't really know why the **** she's writing me a condolence note. However normally I would write back and say thank you. So what do I say? She knew him I did not. In fact I kept waiting for him to find me and he never did so I celebrated his death and pray he is in hell. I did meet my dad who lives about one hour away on four occasions over the years since I was too when he ditched my mom for some other chick.

My dad was a disgusting man so I have nothing good to say about my dad in the condolence note and I can't say I pray he is in hell to his wife for it won't be a condolence note. I've never met her so I have no idea if she is evil also or if she was just misled by his dark soul like my mom was. I met his previous wife once that he had after my mom before this current chick but she divorced him so obviously she does not need a condolence now and she's pretty nice.


So do I write a thank you note and what do I say since there is nothing good to say about my dad's hell bound soul and I can't say rest in peace since I pray he resting in eternal misery.

Answer 1

U sound cheerful. R any of the wives or exwives hot?

Answer 2

A simple thank you. That is all. Your dad sounds like he had issues, but there is a time in life to forgive and let go. Not everyone in life can be fixed no matter the issue in life. However, staying bitter and mad in life, will not allow you to walk in inner freedom. You sound like you may need to talk to someone, maybe a counselor, with your personal issues. Sometimes sorting through past hurts in talking with someone, does help.

Answer 3

YOU should send HER a condolence note; she lost her husband. That is appropriate to do for anyone you know, even slightly.

Answer 4

Just a simple thank you would be enough. You don't know her, so for all you know she's just trying to be nice.

Answer 5

you could just say thank you, theres a slight posibility your father might not have known where you were which might be why he didnt contact you, and maybe his wife found you to let you know he died, she didnt have to do that, if you had questions she'd be the perfect one to ask

Answer 6

Being so bitter looks absolutely lousy on you.



You met your father just four times, so how could you possibly even really KNOW him at all? You can't and you don't know him. All you know is the rantings of your equally bitter mother. Some men forfeit getting to know their children because the mother of their children is just too difficult to deal with, so they bail all together and abandon the child. And, he was probably doing you a huge favor by vamoosing because you got your fair share of brainwashed hate about him. So be it.



You need not even acknowledge a condolence card, so drop the whole thing and forget about it if your bitterness will allow you to do so. The hate you feel has a huge hold on you and you need to forgive yourself for such hate because it really is not emotionally healthy for you fester such negativity.

Answer 7

The note has nothing to do with your dad or your relationship to him. The condolence are is an expression of sympathy, which obviously was unnecessary considering your feelings for him, but it does seem like a nice gesture on her part. "Thank her thinking of you at this time of loss," because whatever you think of your father you did lose him, your loss might have been years ago when he left and not when he died, but you don't have to mention that.

Answer 8

Don't blame her for your poor relationship with your Dad. She did the right thing and just a few lines, thanking her for her courtesy seems appropriate.

Answer 9

Harboring a grudge and hatred is drinking poison and expecting it to harm someone else.

Answer 10

just write her back and say thanks for the condolences, and tell her you're sorry for her loss as well

Answer 11

Send a response. It won't be for your dad, it will be for her. Whatever transpired between the two of you is over now.

Answer 12

You don t have to acknowledge a condolence card- if that was all she sent. If she included money or a note saying she s donated money in his name to a charity (for example), then, I think you should write back.

Either way, you can send a card back with a basic thank you inside- something like, "Thank you for the sympathy card. I didn t know my father very well, but I do appreciate the sentiment and your kind thoughts."

Leave it at that. Take the high road.

Answer 13

YOu definitely deep down want answers and information... you've made that painfully clear in your sharing.

Just because you've kept a lot of misplaced anger at your father, projecting on him, simply being mad that he was not able to make his marriage to your mother work (do you know ALL the details?) - just 'cause of all that does not mean you won't be able to have some sort of relationship with this woman.

She holds many answers, information you will not find anywhere else. YOu want to judge your dad? Fine... Hate him? Fine... Not for me to judge if it's right or wrong.

But the mere fact that you're here asking for advice tells me you're NOT happy with the unsettled emotions inside you.

SPeak to her more. Tell her anything you want, in fact, just try to be polite and don't project; the more you attack your father to her, the more defensive she will get and it will be harder to communicate with you. She might still accomplish it, who knows. Your father may had to make a very difficult decision in breaking up your family, based on events you know nothing about. Was it the right decision.... probably not. But this woman is likely to have answers to some questions of yours. Good luck.

Answer 14

No, don't say anything.

Answer 15

she is doing a kind and socially appropriate thing. For all the rest of your life, you have no living father. If you need medical history of your family, or come to revise your thinking about your childhood, you have no way to talk to him and get what you need. It looks like an avenue would be closed should you or one of your children ever need a close relative's help for medical care.... there are many things lost when a parent dies

Answer 16

Yes you should write back to her because of courtesy and decency.

Answer 17

This woman only knows that you lost your father, and cared enough to extend her sympathies to you.

The way you feel about your father is irrelevant, nor does it make her a bad person for having been with him.



Yes, it hurts incredibly to have a parent with whom you are not in contact. It sounds is if you don't know the reasons that is so, and you may find later on when you are more mature, that there were reasons. Often, the other parent makes it impossible for the child to have a relationship with the estranged parent, and sometimes the reasons are only between the adults.



Put aside your hatred for now, and recognize it for hurt. Harboring that hurts you, and no one else, and will just hold you back. For now, write your father's widow a nice note, and just say, "Thank you for your thoughtful words. I'm sorry for your loss". That's all- she is a nice and kind person, and didn't have to send you anything at all. She might also someday be able to shed some light on what happened with your father. Don't ask now. Just send her nice card.

Answer 18

Just send a sympathy card to the wife. You can write a short note such as "sorry for your loss" or simply sign your name. The choice is yours.

Answer 19

Of course, try to become cordial if you don't apprehend any problem.

Answer 20

You don't need to say anything nice about your dad if you don't want to. You can still write back to his wife and thank her for her kindness in thinking of you.



And you should seek counselling to work on the issues you have regarding your late father. Celebrating someone's death is not a healthy thing.

Answer 21

Sure, its the right thing to you, she did show you some respect here, now return the gesture.

Answer 22

Yes

Answer 23

Whatever you do, do not take out your feelings of resement on this lady. She was not the other lady and probably wrote you the card as a way of informing you of your fathers death. Get a sympathy card and write "dear ----, thank you for your kind words. Sorry for your loss. From ....".

Answer 24

Wow. No. Leave her alone and find a way to let go of your bitterness and anger.

Answer 25

Condolences aren't about the person who died. It's to console the grieving. Thank her and tell her you're sorry for her loss.

Answer 26

I wouldn't respond to her. And your hatred for your dad is irrational, because he did nothing to you.

Answer 27

I would just respond and say "Thanks for the kind words."

Answer 28

Yes. Just be polite.