My roomate is a bit of a control freak help!?

Question

My roomate is a bit controlling--first of all, I share an apt with 2 other girls-the one that shares a room with me isn't ever really there, but the other, never leaves--ahhh! She likes to go to bed early, and I'm a bit of night owl working on school--One night she came out of her room and stated she couldn't sleep because of the small amount of light that enters her room under the crack of the door--so she came out and shut off all the lights--now the way that she is positioned on her bed, she has the choice to stare directly at the door or turn the other way--she's like, "I could turn the other way, but I just don't want to." It pisses me off because she just pushes and pushes until she gets her way and when I'm annoyed with all the crap that she does, I don't say anything--she's pushing me over the edge no doubt. Basically we're the only two people around most of the time and we have 3 table workspace areas out in the living/dining room--the dining table, the coffee table and a de

Answer 1

Tell the roommate you all get even 1/3's. Look her in the right eye (something to the right eye) and say, "Don't you think it is fair if we all have even 1/3 of the space?". wait for her response. you speak first, you loose.



If she has reason for her to get more than her share. Express you feel the same way and right eye her again, and express to her that you are not going to give in on this one. Don't swear, it is a sign of loss of self control. Don't raise your voice, and talk a little slower than normal. Maintain self control to get situation control.



For everything she tells you that would give her the advantage, strongly but firmly, remind her you would like the same advantage, but it is not right for either of you to have more than your share "correct?". Right eye let her speak. Maintain your control. If you can not agree on 1/3, 1/3, 1/3, then everyone has all of their personal property in thier room until fairness has been reached....even if it means hauling that printer in and out several times a day.



Then buy her a sleeping mask and inform her that you need the night and the quiet to study and she can learn to sleep with a light. She started life that way, and she can continue life that way. right eye and maintain self control. Don't swear and remember you are the older one. You mother her. She most likely is spoiled at home and expects you to spoil her. We all live life according to the decisions we make. She needs to learn that the selfishness may have worked when she was a child, but it doesn't work now. Time for her to grow up. Life will not be handed to her in the future, and it is not your job to hand it to her now. Get control of the situation or live with it. Don't let her scream and yell to try to win the situation over. If she raises her voice , lower yours even more and ask her how she thinks yelling will work.



If you don't control the solution of the situation, she will continue to control the situation.



If you need to, bring in someone from the school to act as mediator. Both of you agree to do whatever the outcome of the mediator says as your solution.

Answer 2

Chica, I feel sorry for you - you are realy in a tough situation. This roommate is way more than a bit controlling - she is over the top rude, selfish, thoughtless - I could go on.... You say your other roommate is hardly ever there; but I think you need to talk to her and see how she feels. If she is bothered by this control freak, maybe the 2 of you could make a list of things you want to change in the way you all live together, set some groundrules.



Now, most likely the rude one will not go along with any rules. Do you have a lease, and if you do, is her name on it? Because if it's not, you 2 could get her kicked out and get a nicer roommate. If this is not possible, then I suggest you begin to put your foot down. Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you 2 have to get into screaming matches with each other. You seem like a mature, considerate person, and I've learned that what gets to people like her is when you are assertive, but calm - don't let her provoke you into a yelling fight. People like her hate someone who is calm because it is a sign of strength.



If she complains about the bit of light under the crack of the door, tell her to place a towel or something on the floor so the light can't be seen. You need to be strong because the more she sees she can get away with things with you, the worse she'll be. If you're not out in the living room blasting music or the TV, but studying or working on your computer, you are not doing anything wrong. The truth is this - none of the things she complains about bother her - she is just a bully. She has her own room - she does not live alone - she has no right to tell you what to do, as long as you are reasonable (which it sounds like you are). She needs to be told that if she is not happy with the reality that there are other people in the house who have their rights, too, then it is time for her to move out. Stick to it Chica - don't let a bully tell you how to live your life. You can be strong; you probably already are strong - bullies act that way because they are scared inside, so controlling others makes them feel powerful. Good luck.

Answer 3

There! You've let off steam and got it out of your system, and it's always good to do that. Your roommate sounds just like the gal I went on an Alaskan Cruise with a year or two ago. I'm a night owl, she went to bed at nine p.m., without fail. I read books, she leaves the TV blaring, then falls asleep with it on. I bought a blouse, she bought an identical blouse. I bought a dress. She bought an identical dress. We ended up looking like the Bobbsey twins.



When and if your "agreement" runs out....get another roommate. Until then, you'll just have to grin and bear it. Perhaps sitting down for a long talk where you both air your differences might help. Probably not.



You may just be stuck with this situation. Just make a lot of friends and stay away from your room as much as possible.

Answer 4

Wowee, have I ever been there! And I used to be a lot like you -- I would hold everything in, never saying a word, and just letting it build up until the smallest thing would make me feel like that head was going to pop off. It's terribly unhealthy.



It really helped me to embrace the idea that the only person I can control is me. If my room mate is being a jerk, I can't change that. But I can control the way I choose to react to her, right?



Starting today, make a promise to yourself. When your room mate exhibits some kind of controlling behavior address it right away. Don't relate it to other things. Just calmly and rationally state your case. If she asks you to turn off the light while you're studying, tell her you're sorry but you can't. You have a project due and you need to study. Suggest that she block the light with a towel or something. If she's making you crazy, choose to go somewhere else. Bottom line, don't allow her to control you. Don't accept it.



I lived through one long year of room mate troubles. Oh, the drama! It's definitely one of those "if I only knew then what I know now" situations. Remind yourself that you won't live with this crazy person forever. And try to remind yourself of her good points - - there must be a reason why you agreed to live with her in the first place, right?



Good luck. Hang in there!

Answer 5

I got as far as that crack under the door part - stuff a towel in the crack. Regarding the rest of your premise, either stand up to her, bottle it up inside, or move out.

Answer 6

Wow..thats a lot ot say. Listen talk to the other mates and see if you can all talk to her about this. If it doesn't get resolved then one has to find another place to live..I mean you all live there..there has to be a compromise somewhere.

Answer 7

She doesn't like you, and is trying to get you to move. Since you don't seem capable of standing up for your self that would be the best plan of action.

Answer 8

Move. The tension will only get worse. You need a better atmospher, the stress will interfere with your education.

Answer 9

move out,,,,,,,or stick it out and continue to do as you please until she does. ive been on both sides of this issue and it sucks.

one options is have all three of you sit down, lay down the rules as much as possible. if you cant agree throw out the option of someone moving out and see what everyone says.



is this girls name jeannette cuz it sounds like this evil roomate i had two years ago...goodluck!

Answer 10

Seems like you are a bit of a control-freak and are seeing your behavior in her....its called projection...

Answer 11

darn..move out!! dont put up with crazy roommates!

Answer 12

move out.