Is it rude? Being asked for a specific present and not be invited?

Question

Hi everyone. Thanks in advance for the read.



We have a family member who always asks for cash as a present for their older Kids, which is okeish ( they are a bit older and it's hard to know something they would actually like). Their youngest child's birthday has just gone and I asked for ideas. She said she would text me later. Well she texted back asking if it was ok to get a something from a specific brand ( clothes). I thought it was a bit rude. The item itself wasn't that expensive, but they have not even invited us to the party. I feel it was more rude because earlier that same day I had told her I was going to buy second hand clothes for my son because I wanted to save money. Only to asked later for a specific branded item. This person isn't a bad person but it gets on my nerves. I was brought up thinking that we should NEVER ask for anything at all, even for parties. I never expect a gift either. Having my friends around for a party is enough of a gift for me. But that's me. There have been ther ocasions where I haven't been happy with her atitude either. Am I making a big fuss? I know I asked for ideas, but it was meant to give me an idea of what to get. Something of my choice and that would cost me whatever I wanted to spend.

Answer 1

Your question says that you asked the family member for 'ideas' for their youngest child's birthday, so you opened the door for her to ask for something specific, so no, that's not rude.

If she had just called you and said, 'hey', it's X's birthday next Saturday, so can you get her a (name brand) outfit, THAT would be rude.

Don't ask for suggestions if you don't want to be given one. You might wish that you'd be told 'oh get something of your choice that you can afford', but obviously you opened up the choices here. Next time, just go ahead and buy what you want to buy and don't ask first, but on this occasion now, I would just get the gift you've been asked for and accept that I should have kept quiet. You'll know to do it differently next time.

Answer 2

now in a way the idea is a good one because your present will be useful some times our own choices are not practical and end up not being useful in one way or another so it's money wasted so perhaps this is what she is trying to do so you don't waste money that you obviously need so it might not be as rude as it looks she may have the impression that you want to give a gift anyway so is trying to help.

As to not inviting you to the party it is a bit of a snub and it's understandable that you feel let down

but it's not worth falling out about it you obviously have a better nature than that it's a gift for the child

not the mother

Answer 3

I'm sure I know how you would feel in this situation. It was in very poor taste that this request was made even when you made it known that you were buying second hand clothes for your own son and not be invited to the party. In your situation, I would do nothing at all and let her be the one to make contact with you in the future as no one should be made to feel like they are only a convenience to be patronised by others. The whole point here is that you have dignity also and she is trampling all over your dignity which no one has the right to do. She clearly doesn't respect you but at the same time, she sounds like she has no respect for others either. The best way to handle people like her is to keep your distance and let her be the one to make the approaches and eventually, she will come to realise that her manner is both unwelcome and unwarranted as others don't appreciate being taken for granted. It's clearly not a matter of doing the "right thing" to her as she sounds like some one who you would be well rid of as you do not NEED this treatment in your life. Personally, i would not buy anything or have any contact with her and just wait until she contacts you as you are under no obligation to do any thing and the most mature way to handle this situation is to do nothing at all. In fact, if you were to go ahead and buy the requested item, she would only lose more respect for you so if you feel inclined to buy her son something, get him some small item only and this will send a clear message to her that you also have limits as to where she is to draw the line in the sand so to speak. Oh and by the way, if you do get her child some thing then just hang on to it at home and give it to her child the next time she visits you. Don't go running after her but let her know that you are holding the gift at home, tell her that it is just some small thing, and she can collect when she is in your neighborhood next time. I hope this helps as none of us like to be made feel like we are "damaged goods"

Answer 4

It wouldn't have been rude if she had said "oh he really likes *insert brand name*, erm he wants trainers, a gameboy, a soft toy, some new games for the playstation etc - and had given you a copy of his christmas list.

I would be quite surprised if someone said "oh yes. He wants a hoody from Joules" or whatever. That, to me, says "I expect you to spend at least what the hoody costs on a present even if you don't buy him the hoody. This is the price range you shuold be spending"



It's not that rude to not invite you - perhaps they are pushed for space or it's just going to be his friends or whatever. But presents should be YOUR choice and something YOU think he would like (perhaps with guidance from a present list). But it should not be expected to receive something off a list (or I am owed 15 years worth of horses, sharks and other animals)

Answer 5

Yeah, I think it is pretty rude. In my experience, people don't ask others for gifts for their family because it doesn't seem right. They just let others deicide what presents to get. If she wanted her child to have a specific brand of clothing, she should of got it herself. I agree with you.

Answer 6

a birthday card with kind words handwritten inside is worth more than cash or a gift.

Answer 7

Yes it is downright rude and this sort of BEGGING needs to be nipped in the bud.

It's her job to clothe her kids and if she wants designer then let her pay designer and suffer the cost.

Answer 8

This person is selfish greedy and insensitive; why have her in your life at all? She views you as a cash cow, you really need to remove her from your life entirely.

Answer 9

If we are talking about Christmas than no, the presents are a way of showing your affection and love, giving is better than receiving. It doesn't matter what others do, as long as you do what you know is the right thing to do.

Answer 10

Yes, it's rude.

Some people think their kids are so precious and important.

I'd text back, "LoL" - and do nothing.