Run into an old friend, she asked "why haven't we stayed in touch" - how to respond?

Question

Ever drift away from old friends because you have changed, matured and moved on? I suspect that it has happened to all of us. Usually our social engagements start to become less satisfying and we call less often and see each other for a shorter period of time until finally the contact ends. Usually the drifting apart is unspoken and both feel that the relationship has reached an end.

But what happens when we run into these old friends and they ask us what happened? "Why aren't we getting together anymore"? "Why haven't you returned my phone messages"? "I thought we had a good thing going"!

The most common reply is the old and dishonest, "I have been so busy" and a vague statement that "we have to get together when things slow down" and then a quick exit. Is this passive aggressive response really the best reply, how about honesty? How about instead, "it appeared to me _____ that we have just drifted apart, we had changed and no longer had that much in common. I valued our friendship at the time but I have moved on, nice to see you again" (and then walk away). How about the honest approach

Answer 1

There is such a thing as a polite fiction. It is not intended to deceive, but to be polite. For instance, when somebody invites you to a party and you don't want to go, you should say, "I'm sorry, I just can't make it." The person who invited you is is supposed to be polite enough not to ask you why; and you are not obligated to say why you "can't." This is not a deception;

This question is in the same category. "I have been so busy" is a polite fiction. It's obvious that you can find time to make or answer a phone call if you want to. The excuse of "busy" implies that you have no ill will toward the person, or at least want to remain civil.

Depending on your relationship with the person, though, you might want to go into the subject with more candor.

Answer 2

A friend called me a few weeks ago. He was asking why I do not call him any more, I have called you I told him. But your mother's says he's at his g/f's place most of the time.So why bother I added. We live two hours away. I do not want to go up there and drive another two hours and do it again the same day. I used to do it in the past. He has a 14 yr old son. Who is really annoying. Just being in the same room is just as bad. We used to be close. He moved in to FL in '96. Moved back in 2000. The friendship changed, Like he was a different person.

Answer 3

While you may have moved on and find your old friend's company less satisfying, your old friend may not feel the same way. I find that the honest approach could be a bit harsh if that's the case. She may still enjoy your company and yearn for your friendship. I feel that the good old "I'm just so busy" is an excuse that won't sting as much and might still get the message across.

Answer 4

"Life gets in the way and folks drift apart. We have some great memories, dont we? I know that I will always love our memories! Take care of yourself, wish you all the best! Bye!"

Answer 5

something like that should really be a happy thing, but i guess in your case, you might consider getting together and catch on. (not sure if it's a guy or a girl here o_O) But looking at how u said it, im guessing it was a guy?

Answer 6

I would just repeat their question back with emphasis. Usually it's more comment than it is a question when friends meet up and this gets asked.

Answer 7

i dunno. its a shame isnt it. you know how life is. its nice seeing u though. heres my number. bye.(dont ask for her number or selse youll be inclined to call her.)