Pool party faux pas? Who would you have dealt with it?

Question

The place, a pool party. the incident, one of the mothers show up with her 3 kids. the oldest girl, 14, is wearing a Rio cut bikini(not quite a butt floss thing but close) The Rio bikini girl we will call "Linda" soon becomes the center of attention to every boy over 11 1/2 years. The other girls get mad. They complain to their moms, who in turn, confront Linda's mom. Arguments erupt. Side get taken. Then it is like 2 pool parties occupying the same space with lines drawn. What would have been your best way to tacfully deal with the situation IF you just felt you had to say something before the party was over and could not wait until later or the next day?

Answer 1

I would, in all honesty, wait until the next pool party before taking action(so that everyone involved can cool off). Then, in writing or via carbon-copy-recipient Email, I would mention- to all invitees- that you would prefer them to wear swimsuits that are reasonable, and set clear limits. (A good rule of thumb- and the one that I follow- is don't wear anything which would be banned by the FCC on television.) That way, no one person feels picked on or singled out, and everyone is running on the same frequency. Just make sure that the invitations- with the bathing suit requests- are sent out with enough advance notice so that if need be, invitees can get themselves more conventional swimwear. And remember this above all: people worth having as friends will respect reasonable boundaries set before them.

Answer 2

I am amazed that a mother would allow a 14 year old to expose herself in that manner. I would think that the mothers of the boys would be the ones complaining the loudest. Linda's reputation at school is going to be ruined and all because her mother has no sense of decorum. Please, please, mothers, don't allow your children to dress like hookers. You won't have anything to say about



If I were in charge of the party, I would have pulled the mother aside and told her it wasn't appropriate. I would have asked her to provide her daughter with appropriate attire and then return her to the party when properly dressed. If she was offended, too bad. She didn't have to come back. That way all the damage would have been controlled before it got out of control and perhaps Linda wouldn't be banned from being friends with so many other children. Poor kid. She is really going to be the one who suffers from this.

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I don't care if Linda is "cuter" than a chubby girl or not...NEITHER child should have worn such a suit and both mothers needed a good talking to. The parents' judgment is completely off. If all the talk was out in the open, then Linda's mother should have reacted immediately to deal with the situation by clothing her child appropriately. Tanning is not an excuse. You could use the same excuse as to why Linda and her mother decided it would be appropriate to swim topless. If she wants to tan, she can do it in the privacy of her own home. Children shouldn't be exhibiting themselves in that manner. That any mother would condone it has me absolutely amazed. That 2 parents at the same party allowed that kind of behavior is even more astounding. Perhaps someone should suggest (in as kind a manner as possible) that both parents need some parenting classes.



I doubt very much that the other parents were "jealous" that Linda was so cute showing her rear end....I think rather they were shocked that the bar of "good taste" and "suitable behavior" was being lowered so severely.

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My 16-year-old high school junior (awfully cute herself)...when I told her about this question said "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Only the sluts dress like that at pool parties." That is how the other teens are thinking. That is how Linda's peer group is now seeing her. Does that give a clearer picture of the situation?

Answer 3

A 14 year old at wearing a bikini at a pool party isn't going to have much to look forward to when shes 18. Her mother is totally foolish and stupid to allow her daughter to wear something like that. The hostess has every right to speak quietly to the mother and offer the daughter a long Tshirt.

A very long t-shirt.

If its refused its within her rights to ask them to leave. You wouldn't allow anyone to do in your home what you wouldn't allow your own children to do. This should have been done as soon as it was apparent that the swim suit would not meet approved community standards.

You know the more I think about this, the angrier I get, you have a very young girl, encouraged to expose her body to get attention...just how stupid can that girls mother get?



EDIT

The mom let her buy the bikini in the first place, unless you are going to tell me the girl drove to the mall, the mom allowed her to wear it to a coed party, she could have saved it for working on her tan around her own pool in private. Lets just get this straight a fourteen year old girl should not have her azz hanging out for boys to gawk at. NO, its the totally wrong message to send to the other girls at the party, and very confusing for young boys to be able to deal with her advertising something that hopefully isn't for sale yet.

The fact that another less attractive girl wasn't the object of jealousy isn't the point, she was just as wrong and the same over sized T shirt should have been offered to her. To wear over the offending bikini.

The pretty girl in the bikini is going to spend quite a few years with rumors dogging her and shes going to be labeled easy with all the grief that entails. I don't expect a girl to understand, but a mom should, the girls mom failed her badly by not understanding that making a group of girls angry and jealous is misery waiting to happen. I feel sorry for the young girl.

Answer 4

As a mom with 3 boys, we'd have just quietly left as soon as it became apparent Linda was not going to put on more clothes.



Perhaps one of the other girls or moms should have offered Linda something else to wear. Maybe a Tee-shirt to cover up. Maybe the hosts could have offered her something. They would have been within they're rights to quietly and discreetly tell to Linda and her mom that her outfit is too risque for a party with young children and she needs to make alternate clothing arrangements (put on shorts?)



That's a hard one, but it's really not appropriate and very distracting to wear something like that to a child-friendly party. The grown ups acted childish and were not good role models.



Next time put on the invites, "Modest swimwear only"

Answer 5

You leave out a very important part to this question. Where is the pool party? Your house? A public pool? I am assuming one of the girls is your daughter? I hope the party isn't going on while you went in the house to ask this question...........LOL



IF it were me, I would have taken "Linda's" mom aside & told her I didn't think anyone really appreciated her 14 year old dressing in that type of bathing suit. I would ask her to change it or leave the party. It is not appropriate dress for any young girl. Of course, she would start arguing with you that it is none of your business, blah, blah, blah. Then I would ask her to LOOK at the boys around her daughter & what do you THINK they are THINKING about? Would she allow her daughter to wear that to the mall or to the party tomorrow night? That is where her daughter will be & mom WON'T be there. Is it O.K. now???



Then I think I would have to gather up & leave if she didn't. I could not watch a young 14 year old girl throw herself up like a piece of meat in fronting of those young salivating boys.

Answer 6

I would have spoken to the girls mother as soon as I saw the bikini she was wearing and what kind of mother lets her 14 daughter wear something like that? If the girl wanted to tan then she can do it at HER home in HER backyard. I would have just told the mother and her daughter that the swimsuit was not appropriate and she wasn't going to wear it at my house unless she was willing to wear a pair of shorts over the bottom portion.

Answer 7

Depends if I were Linda's mother or not. Actually, nothing should have been said. The other mother's were rude to openly question Linda's mom's decision to allow her daughter to wear the bikini. Sounds like everyone acted the same age as their children.

Answer 8

Why is the mother of this 14 year old allowing her daughter to wear such a revealing bathing suit.

This is the mothers' fault, not the 14 year olds.

Answer 9

Depends on the weather you think what the girl was wearing was inappropriate. if you do you could have said something to Linda's mom.

Answer 10

sounds to me like all the other girls and their mothers were just jealous of Linda. I would have told the jealous little girls and their mothers to leave. You can not go to a pool party and then complain because some one is wearing a bikini.



The additional details just further prove my point. The girls and their mothers were just jealous, If it was just about the bikini then why not complain about the chubby girl wearing one too?



So regardless of weather you think the girl should have worn the bikini or not, the fact that they only complained about the one girl and not the other is proof that it was just girls being jealous little girls and the mothers giving into it.

Answer 11

An unpleasant and sticky situation, but the other girls were just making it worse with their jealous complaints. They were upset about the attention she was getting, not the outfit.

Answer 12

Tell all to go to hell.