If you were a guest in someone's home would you permit your child to play basketball inside their house?

Question

My stepmother's older sister temporarily moved into our guest house along with her ten-year-old son a few weeks ago, and though I used to adore her and usually get along fabulously with kids, friction is mounting between us because she permits him to dribble a basketball inside for hours at a time. We have a spacious backyard with a basketball hoop, but he doesn't like to play outside because we've had "June gloom" weather since mid-May. It's very overcast, but still in the high 60s or low 70s. His mom works from home, so she doesn't like him to play in the guest house, but she has no problem allowing him to spend hours dribbling the ball up and down right outside of my room even when I've been incredibly stressed out and under tight deadlines and needing to concentrate. My room is situated on a little corridor off of the upstairs hallway, and since it has hardwood floors and nothing that can be broken it's become his favorite spot to play with his basketball. I've politely asked him to stop many times, but he essentially ignores me and just keeps playing. He has Asperger's, a mild form of autism that makes socializing challenging for him, but attends a school for gifted children so it's not like he's incapable of understanding me, and I don't think he should just be allowed to do whatever he wishes without regard for anyone else.

I've talked with his mom about this several times before, and she's been apologetic, but has done nothing about it, and actually had the audacity to tell me that I should just hang out in a different room if I was so bothered. I haven't even been here for more than a few nights at a time because I've been traveling or staying at my mom's, and so now that I'm home I resent being forced out of my own bedroom just to get some peace. I've also talked to my dad about the situation, and he agrees that what they're doing is rude, but basically thinks I should just suck it up and deal. In my mind, we're doing my step-aunt a favor because they're staying with us while her house is being renovated. Her college-aged kids and husband are still at their house, but her son is so sensitive to certain noises he was having panic attacks with all the construction, and also had his allergy problems flare up. My dad thinks they are doing us the favor because my stepmom had a late-term miscarriage a month ago that was incredibly traumatic and took a major toll on her (and was upsetting for us all), plus I had been sick for a while, so he wanted another adult (I'm nearly 18, btw) in the house while he was on business trips or working late. Whatever the case, don't you think it's completely rude to let your kid play basketball inside someone else's house?

I haven't slept more than a few hours a night for weeks because I've been under so much pressure to finish projects, traveling, and staying so busy, and all I wanted to do on my first free night was just relax and I can't at all because of this kid. Even with noise-canceling headphones I can still hear it and feel the reverberations from the ball hitting the floor, and it's driving me insane. I finally took his ball away, but then he had a complete fit that freaked me out and made my stepmom come up and act like I was the one being a brat, so I gave it back.

I packed up and told my dad that I'm staying with my mom until they're gone because I'm so exhausted and sick of dealing with this kid, and instead of talking to my step-aunt about it he just got mad at me and said I couldn't leave, and that I was being unreasonable. Am I? How would you react in this situation? If for HOURS at a time a kid was playing basketball outside of your door??

I'm really sorry this question is sooooo long. I'm just venting because I'm so frustrated! >.<

Answer 1

You're not unreasonable; that is both ridiculous and annoying. And while the kid may have problems now, that's nothing to what he's going to have if they keep letting him get away with stuff and don't set boundaries. The fit he had when you took the ball away makes it sound like he's already headed there.



Reading the beginning of the comment, I was under the impression that it was your house and you were dealing with this. Since you're 17, however, there's really nothing you can do about it. If your dad says that they can stay and doesn't mind the obnoxious basketball bouncing, you're just going to have to grin and bear it or go to your mom's house. Your step-aunt probably isn't taking you seriously because you're still technically a kid, and she doesn't really care that you are inconvenienced because having him in the guest house would inconvenience her.



Personally, I'd leave anyways. Your dad might get huffy about it, but since you're getting older he needs to understand and respect the fact that things like that are going to bother you. You're almost an adult, and since you're under stress you would appreciate peace and quiet like any other adult. I'm sure he has a lot on his mind with the situation with your stepmom, but that's no reason to be inconsiderate of your needs. I went through something similar with my own father and his girlfriend's obnoxious children when I was 18, and he had to come to terms with the fact that I was an adult and wasn't going to tolerate them if they were going to bother me. He had to realize that he couldn't just tell me to "get over it" anymore, because I didn't have to.



Either way, I'm sorry that this kid is being a brat. Here's hoping you can find some peace and quiet soon.

Answer 2

They are all being rude to you and not very accomodating to your needs. It IS rude to allow your child to play basketball in the house when there is a perfectly good basketball court outside. Playing ANY kind of ball in the house is rude.



They are using his asbergers syndrome like a crutch - let him get away with it because of his illness.



That is a crock.



The kid has to learn to respect other people whether he has a condition or not, he shouldn't be taught that because he has a condition he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants.



If you want to leave, I say leave and go live with your Mom. Your Dad is obviously just coddling your stepaunt and her son. What have they ever done for you guys - basically just being there as an adult so your Dad feels more comfortable? Big deal, you can get an alarm system.



They need to sit down with the boy and tell him that it is rude to play basketball in the house, especially right outside someone's bedroom. As a teenager you need your privacy and as an almost adult, you do deserve some respect.



If you are not getting it, then leave. You have every right - your Dad cannot stop you from leaving.

Answer 3

That is unbelievably rude. Just reading your letter. I would like to confront her and tell her what an ungrateful, horrid b**** she is. And what the kid is learning - that he can get away with any insolence if he pretends not to understand. I see three alternatives: Talk again with your dad; move to your mom's, your father will get over it, or scream at the kid, scare him so he will run whenever he sees you. Seriously, I greatly admire and congratulate you on your self control. You seem mature and civil beyond your young years. But enough is enough. You are an intelligent and responsible young woman and should be viewed as such. Do not let yourself be unwittingly bullied by your family, keep asserting yourself.

Answer 4

Oh my! That would drive me mad. Id kick him out to play in the garden "June Gloom" or not. 60-70 degrees is a pretty nice day from where Im standing.