Is this what a host family normally acts like? Am I just being irrational?

Question

I understand different cultures have different ideas of what being a host family means, but I was pretty insulted by what my host family did today and I'm considering moving out.

My back story is this: I moved to Berlin two months ago. My father is a professor at a University so he has the fortune of collaborating with people all around the world. He has a collaborator in Berlin--his collaborator offered to let me stay with him, but he doesn't live in the city (more in the suburbs) but the collaborator have friends who live in the city. Those friends are my host family. Neither I nor my father knew my host family before I came to Berlin, and this was informal arrangement not set up through any program (as you can tell). My parents even came to Berlin with me so they could meet my host parents for themselves.

My parents then went to Poland for three weeks, then came back to Berlin for another couple of days before heading back to the States. On the last night my parents were here, a month after I had been here and got all settled in, they told us they were raising the price from 400 euros/month to 480 euros/month. My mom didn't like the idea because she thought my host parents were treating me as a business venture, but they didn't want to argue. I also had an option to pay 350 euros a month, but I would also have to buy and cook all my own food, including buying my other "living means" (cleaners, laundry detergent etc). I wanted a host family experience, and I thought I was going to be treated as at least somewhat part of the family so I opted for the 480 euro deal.

This morning I went shopping and I bought salami, slice white bread (because they were out of dark bread and it's easy to use to make toast), strawberries, and two cups of yogurt. Because I bought one package of salami and some white bread (all of it together was 4 euros -____-) my host mother almost freaked out. Later on in the day, she sat down with me and said that we simply weren't compatible food-wise and that I should just take the 350 euro deal and buy my own food etc. Her reasoning was 1. We have a different eating schedule--they don't even eat as a family, and they eat a hot meal around 3 and then don't really eat a dinner in the evenings, whereas I do usually like to eat a bit more in the evening because that is how I was raised; 2. We allegedly don't like the same food--completely false, I like pretty much everything I eat, I just like a couple things that they don't (just snack food, like one package of salami).

I was pretty offended, even though I feel like I shouldn't be. After talking to my parents about things that would take much too long to list, it became apparent that my host parents ARE making money off of me, and now they are just treating me like a tenant in their house. I pay 350 for "rent and utilities" and then I must buy and cook my own food, buy my own cleaning utensils and clean myself (which I was going to do anyway). I figure if I'm going to be a tenant, this is Berlin, and there are places out there where I can't get something cheaper for 350 euros. I'm thinking about moving out. I talked to my parents and they think it's a good idea and they don't like what my "host family" did.

(Side note: I also texted my friend, but she was saying that a host family doesn't have to treat you like a family, you just pay to live with them and that's all. I think she doesn't know anything though, she's never been part of a host family or lived with one).

So questions are: Do you think I should get my own apartment? Is this normal host family behavior? Am I just being over-sensitive?

It's not just money, it's also emotion. Finding out they really just want my money and not the experience of learning about me and my culture really hurt my feelings. :( That's the main reason I want to move out.

Answer 1

First, I have no past experience with host families. My opinion on your experience is derived only from what I personally believe a host family experience should entail.



I do not believe that you are overreacting. I think it is silly that the mother would become upset over you having bought your own snack food. I understand there may be cultural differences with cuisine and dining times, but the fact is you bought that food with your own money. I don't see how that should be of any concern to them.



Additionally, an abrupt increase in fare, from 400 to 480 euros/month was ridiculous. I feel as if the host family was exploiting you. They knew you had just arrived in Berlin, and were in no position to immediately find a new place to live. You certainly couldn't refuse to pay the increase; not immediately anyway. I feel as if they took advantage of you:/



Again, I have no knowledge of host family etiquette, but I would think the experience is meant to be an exchange of cultures and ideals. You really should be taken in as one of the family's own; not an incentive to make a little money.



I don't know if this type of behavior is normal. My only thought regarding the frequency of such dismal host family expereinces is that organized programs probably have a formal process for qualifying a family to host a student; background checks, past hosting experiences, and so on.

Since your arrangment was informal, and done with acquaintances of your father's colleague, the arrangement was not subject to a formal process. Usually, a personal reference is good enough to ensure a smooth experience, but unfortunately for you, not this time.



If you are confident about the local area, and perhaps have a friend who can guide your apartment-hunting, I think looking for your own place isn't a bad idea.



Lastly, is it too late for you to join a formal program and get connected with a host family; one who has been formally approved and has prior experience with students from abroad?



Whichever choice you make, I wish you well. I sincerely hope your experience in Berlin becomes an enjoyable one:)

Answer 2

I really think you should move out. Seriously.

A host family typically takes you in and treats you like one of their own. My friend's family is a host family... They have people from Afghanistan come and stay with them. They are so welcoming and count them as one of their kids. They even call the mom "Mom", the dad "Dad", my friend "sister, and so on. It's just common courtesy. You're under the same roof and have this agreement. Might as well consider each other as family or even friends. Not a boss-employee type relationship. I think it was very rude on her part. Move out to a new host family or even on your own. You deserve the same mutual respect that you give them. Sorry you're dealing with this. But that's awesome you're studying in Berlin! Good luck, girly! (:

Answer 3

I would start looking for another host family. My friends are host families and it depends on what the person staying wants. Some have asked for food and accommodation only but others want the "family". While looking, you need to ask prospective families what their idea is and once you find somebody who wants the same as you, go for it.



If this doesn't work out, then find your own accommodation in a house.



KD

Answer 4

If you don't feel welcomed by the host family, move out. There's no reason for you to be looked down upon because of your habit and culture.

The question is, have you tried to learn their way and polite with your host family? For example, did you make subtle remarks that there's something wrong with the food she made? It seems she really overreacted on you buying some snacks for yourself.

Answer 5

What's improper if suicide is visible as irrational? We humans have forgot that "irrational" is just not synonyms with "mistaken". Rational would not means proper, irrational doesn't suggest flawed. Its just the case of logical and not logical. Emotions usually are not logical but they're the fact, they are what we think. Rational mustn't end up a trend and the stupid human masses mustn't make it one other fashion like science the place they make it limited. The Universe is just not a rational place, simplest people are rational, and those that aren't ruined through society and its classes are still comfy in irrationality. Art shouldn't be rational, is there anything fallacious with the art? What has rationality given us? Its good in the subject of science but its now not quintessential that actuality lies in both of the areas.. These items is all our mind made cycle and we are strolling the race.. Mind instructions physique reacts.. And in between we watch.. We are our own slaves. Suicide is neither rational nor irrational